‘The bike that runs on blood not petrol’
I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is a 1990 British comedy horror film directed by Dirk Campbell from a screenplay by producer Mycal Miller and John Wolskel. It stars Neil Morrissey, Amanda Noar, and Michael Elphick.
Birmingham biker Nick “Noddy” Oddie (Neil Morrissey) thinks he’s got a bargain when he buys a second-hand 850cc Norton Commando motorcycle at a knockdown price. The only problem is that the machine won’t start in daylight hours.
Nick’s suspicions begin to mount when his best friend is murdered, and it eventually transpires that he is in fact the owner of a monstrous vampire motorbike that stalks the streets at night, feasting upon Hell’s Angels, streetwalkers and traffic wardens.
Nick enlists the help of a priest (Anthony Daniels) and police inspector Cleaver (Michael Elphick) in order to exorcise the two-wheeled beast…
I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is released in the UK on Blu-ray and DVD by Screenbound Pictures on 27 November 2017.
Buy: Amazon.co.uk
Reviews:
“There’s blood a-plenty, lots of awful jokes, and a couple of interesting characters involved – plus a talking turd in a totally gratuitous scene which plumbs new depths of bad taste. Great. For the anally retentive, there’s a lot of in-jokes and referencing going on as well.” British Horror Films
“Elphick, Morrissey and David Daker, who plays a desk sergeant, had all worked together in the British comedy/drama Boon and so had a chemistry already […] Morrissey always makes for a personable, if a little dim, character. However we must mention Anthony Daniels (yes, C-3P0) who was absolutely marvellous. Great stuff.” Taliesin Meets the Vampires
“So, will this be your cup of tea? Well, it depends on your tolerance towards dopey comedy. While it occasionally is too dumb for it’s own good, I found it to be a fun ride (pun intended), as it feels like a worthy heir to oddball Brit horrors like Horror Hospital and Psychomania.” Talk of Horrors
” …just about works it’s way to an average rating with it’s exuberance and sense of self-belief (not to mention the surprisingly enjoyable, generic soundtrack) but it just has far too much to work against with the onslaught of poor, groan some gags, the silliness of the whole scenario and the complete lack of tension throughout.” For It Is Man’s Number
” …this British pic turns out to be surprisingly nasty and amusing […] an imaginative spoof that ends up being much more entertaining than the type of pics it’s making light of.” Steven Puchalski, Shock Cinema
“The film is gory in an early Peter Jackson style and the splattery effects, much like the films storyline, are played for laughs. The bike eats flesh and dismembers and decapitates its victims. In one cinematic first, actor Daniel Peacock is turned into a surreal, rubbery talking turd.” David Michael Brown, Digital Retribution
Cast and characters:
- Neil Morrissey – Noddy – Crucible of the Vampire
- Amanda Noar – Kim
- Michael Elphick – Inspector Cleaver – The Elephant Man; See No Evil; Cry of the Banshee
- Anthony Daniels – Priest
- Andrew Powell – Roach
- George Rossi – Chopper
- Daniel Peacock – Buzzer
- Midge Taylor – First Road Toad
- David Daker – Desk Sergeant
- Burt Kwouk – Fu King Owner
- Brendan Donnison – Satanist High Priest
- Graham Padden – Dorm
- Paula Ann Bland – Hospital Nurse
- Terence Budd – Bikes
- Ann Casson – Mrs. Bancroft
- Douglas Campbell – Mr. Bancroft
- Ed Devereaux – Pub Landlord
- Colin Campbell – Moped
- John Wolskel – Clyde
- Solly Assa – Victor
- Esta Charkham – Mrs. P.C. Harold
Image thanks/credits: Film on Paper | VHS Wasteland
